In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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