Me too!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
