Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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