Well apparently he's into motor boating.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
