I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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