you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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