Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
