not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You took a bar mat shot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
