you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
