well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize