Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
