paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
