drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
