i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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