DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
