I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
