listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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