Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
false alarm. still invincible.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
