I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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