All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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