i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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