he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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