So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
