I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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