Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
