Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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