When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
