3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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