I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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