I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
