Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
