he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
