Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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