remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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