You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
