he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
