foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
