my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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