they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
