Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
