I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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