I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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