Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
they're like a gay fantastic four
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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