i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
