I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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