this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize