Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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