i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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