The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Less talking, more tequila
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
