hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
