i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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