I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
