these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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