I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
