She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
