Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
