Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
