I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
