How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
