Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
