I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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