it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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