Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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