I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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