I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
